Give the Gift of Simultaneous Orgasm This Valentine’s Day

For heterosexualcouples, just making sure that both partners reach orgasm during vaginal intercourse can be difficult. Achieving orgasm at the exact same moment (i.e., “simultaneous orgasm”)? That’s even more of a challenge. Why? Because the typical motion of penile thrusting does not seem to provide adequate sexual stimulation for many women. In fact, only about half of women report being able to climax from penile movements alone during sex and, even among those women, many of them report that they do not experience orgasm reliably.¹ As a result, many women find that adding clitoral stimulation to intercourse (e.g., with the use of one’s hand or a vibrator) or attempting different sexual activities is necessary to help them climax. However, it turns out that you may not need to do these other things if you can better align your own and your partner’s genitals during sex.

In the 1980s, a few sex researchers proposed something known as the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT)² as a way of remedying the difficulty so many heterosexual couples have when it comes to not only achieving female orgasm, but timing it to co-occur with the male orgasm. The CAT is a method of providing the female partner with more sexual stimulation during intercourse by aligning the male and female genitals with the goal of producing a “no hands required” orgasm. Here’s how the CAT works:

“The positioning for coital alignment requires a shift forward by the male partner from the standard missionary position to the male ‘pelvic-override’ position, in which the base of the penis makes direct contact with the woman’s clitoris. This makes vaginal penetration with constant clitoral contact possible in coitus, completing a fundamental genital ‘circuitry.’ The genital contact is maintained by a coordinated form of sexual movement in which the woman leads the upward stroke and the man the downward stroke. The partner moving his or her pelvis backward exerts a slight but firm counterpressure. The penile-clitoral connection is held together by pressure and counterpressure simultaneously exerted genitally by both partners in a rocking motion rather than the familiar ‘in and out’ pattern of coital thrusting.”³

To put it more simply, the CAT is a modified missionary style position (i.e., man-on-top) in which he angles his body forward such that the base of the penis touches the clitoris. The partners then “grind” or rock their pelvises back and forth so that his penis and her clitoris stay in constant contact. The goal is to counteract the common tendency for the man to simply thrust aggressively while the woman plays a relatively passive role, a style of sex many therapists believe is a recipe for male premature ejaculation and female anorgasmia (i.e., lack of female orgasm).³ The CAT recognizes that both partners must work together to achieve mutual pleasure.

To master the CAT, it takes a bit of practice and it requires partners to break the mentality that sex is all about the man pretending he is a high-powered piston. Thus, the CAT looks like nothing you’ve ever seen in porn. However, research finds that coital alignment significantly increases the likelihood of female orgasm during intercourse above and beyond just adding manual clitoral stimulation with the hands, plus it has the added benefit of increasing the odds of simultaneous orgasm.³ So, if you’re looking to make your Valentine’s Day extra special this year, you and your partner might want to consider rethinking the way that you typically have sex.

Faking Orgasms: Who Benefits More From a False Finish?

According to Meg Ryan’s character in WhenHarry Met Sally, “Most women at one time or another have faked it.” By “it” she was, of course, referring to the seemingly elusivefemale orgasm. And she’s right—studies consistently show that somewhere between one-half and two-thirds of women have faked a climax at some point in their lives.¹ This probably does not come as a shock to most of you, given the frequency with which female feigning comes up in the popular media, from relatively tame TV shows like Seinfeld to the more adventurous Sex and the City.
 


What may surprise you is that men fake orgasms at least some of the time too. In fact, a recent study found that one in four male college students admitted pretending to orgasm at least once.² It makes sense that men fake it less often than women, given that men are much more likely to achieve orgasm in the first place and because, well, men produce more physical “evidence” when it happens, making it harder to fool a sexual partner.

So why would someone pretend to climax? People report a variety of reasons for faking it, from the understandable (e.g., lack of sexual experience) to the unfortunate (e.g., lack of attraction to one’s partner). However, we must take gender into account when discussing motivations for faking because men and women are similar in some ways, but very different in others.²
 


For instance, the sexes are equally likely to report having had a false finish because they felt an actual orgasm was unlikely to happen (e.g., they were overly intoxicated or it was just taking too long). In comparison, men are more inclined to say they faked it because they just wanted sex to end (e.g., they were tired), whereas women are more inclined to say they did so because they wanted to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings or because they wanted to improve their partner’s self-esteem. In other words, women are more likely than men to have “sympathy orgasms.”

To sum it up, both men and women fake it, but women do it more often and frequently see it as a way to protect their partners’ feelings. When men fake it, they are more likely to see it as a way to exit an undesirable or uncomfortable situation. Thus, no matter who fakes it, the resulting “show” would appear to benefit men (or their egos) more than it does women.

See all of ourarticles about sexhere. Interested in learning more about relationships? Click here for other topics on Science of Relationships. Like us on Facebook to get our articles delivered directly to your NewsFeed.

If you enjoy ScienceOfRelationships.com, you may also like our book: The Science of Relationships: Answers to Your Questions about Dating, Marriage, and Family. You can get it here.
 


¹Wiederman, M. W. (1997). Pretending orgasm during sexual intercourse: Correlates in a sample of young adult women. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 23, 131–135.

 ²Muehlenhard, C. L., & Shippee, S. K. (2010). Men’s and women’s reports of pretending orgasm. Journal of Sex Research, 47, 552-567.

Sex Positions You Should Try

Deep Penetration Or A Short, Fast Quickie, The Kama Sutra Has A Position For That

ooking to move beyond missionary? Try turning to the Kama Sutra—the ancient sex bible that's full ofbizarre, awkward, and ridiculously acrobatic sex positions that most of us have never tried.

While that might sound uninviting, there's a reason that the Kama Sutra has been a go-to sex position guide for thousands of years. We asked experts for their favorite Kama Sutra positions that couples should try at least once—and aren't impossible for you to master. “If you really want to try a certain position, you're going to need a positive and excited energy that will make it fun and pleasurable for her no matter what the angle," says Laura Berman, Ph.D., Durex's resident sexpert. So if you're ready to spice up your sex life, try these 5 bizarre-but-hot sexpositions you'll both love—or love trying!

1. Sammukha

The Sammukha position is a relatively easy position to get started with, and one you've probably never thought to try. In this position, she leans back against a wall while standing and spreads her legs as wide as she can while you enter her. This position does lower her a bit, so shorter women may need to stand on something—like a long ottoman—and taller men may have to kneel if she's really flexible.

Although this position might seem a little awkward at first, it's actually an incredibly passionate and romantic position thanks to all the eye contact, says Eric M. Garrison, a sex expert and author of Mastering Multiple Position Sex. Because she's supporting herself against a wall, this position also offers some of the deepest penetration possible.

2. Janukurpara

The Janukurpara position will probably require some extra gym time, but it's worth it. In this position you lift her up, locking your elbows under her knees and gripping her butt with your hands while she places her arms around your neck to hold on. Janukurpara offers extra-deep penetration, lots of eye contact, and it has the added benefit of making you look like a champion. "A lot of acrobatic positions offer just bragging rights, but some offer bragging rights and pleasure," says Garrison. "Janukurpara allows for great penetration, and can be the reward for time in the gym."

3. Piditaka

As Garrison notes, acrobatic doesn't necessarily mean pleasure. The Piditaka position is a comfortable, laid-back position that you can do any time—even on a leg day. In this position, she lies on her back and pulls her knees into her chest, resting her feet on your chest as you kneel in front of her. With your knees on either side of her hips, you raise her hips onto your thighs and enter her.

She'll feel tighter in this position because her vagina is narrowed when her legs are up, says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., Astroglide's resident sexpert. She can also press her legs together or cross her ankles, increasing pressure for both of you. "This position is great for those into positions offering female vulnerability," says Fulbright. "For those desiring the auspiciousness of the Kama Sutra even more, the guy can draw her feet up to touch his mouth and forehead, conveying tenderness, humility, and devotion."

4. Virsha 

The Virsha position isn't actually that bizarre, you just know it by another name: The Reverse Cowgirl. That said, it's a position that's used a lot in porn but not so much in everyday sex—but it should be. Because Virsha is a "girl on top" position, it makes her feel sexy, strong, and in control, while still giving you an awesome view of her ass, Fulbright says.

In this position, you lie flat on your back while she sits or kneels on top of you, facing your feet. She lowers herself onto you and leans forward, gripping your ankles. "Virsha is Sanskrit for bull, and, as simple as it sounds, it's no bull when I say that this is very difficult," says Garrison. "Even the best can't master it without practice—and what better reason to have lots of sex!"

5. Tripadam

Tripadam is the perfect position for a quickie because it doesn't allow for deep penetration, but it does allow for "short and fast" fun, says Garrison.  In this position, you both stand, facing each other. You put your hand under one of her knees and raise it off the floor, turning the two of you into a "tripadam"—or a tripod—and enter her while standing. (This position works best if both of you are around the same height.) Another benefit to this move, like all standing positions, is that you both get maximum blood flow to your erogenous zones for sexual function, says Garrison.
 

14 Foreplay Tips women

Guys often write off foreplay as wasted time, but that is likely to lead to frustration for you AND her. In fact, foreplay is a crucial prerequisite for her to enjoy a mind-blowing orgasm. Read on for 14 imaginative ways to make foreplay fun for both of you. And avoid these 5 BigForeplay Mistakes.

1. Try this great warmup

The precoital massage: As a warmup to the main event, start by massaging the length of her legs, from her upper thighs down to her ankles. Then focus on the feet, kneading her heels and all other points beneath. Then zero in on the toes and stretch them individually. Of course, if her impeccable hygiene encourages you to suck her toes, you'll have her in ecstasy.

2. Ask what turns her on

Come right out and ask what she likes during sex. "Most women appreciate men who want to make sure they're satisfied," says Barbara Bartlik, M.D., a professor of psychiatry at Cornell University. "If she notices you're working hard to please her, she'll be more likely to return the favor." And tell us: Is there a better place to develop your work ethic?
 

3. Boost your foreplay quotient

Improve the quality of foreplay and she'll never again bug you about the quantity. "If you act as if you're just going through the motions to get to the sex, she's going to notice, and it will take longer for her to get excited," says Michael Perry, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Encino, California. So do what you want to do. If you like how her calves feel, stroke them. If you like her butt, kiss it. "When a man is loving what he's doing, it's going to show through and turn her on, too," says Perry.

4. Go easy

Yes, the clitoris is the obvious place to focus your attention. Still, many men do wrong by it. "Direct stimulation of the clitoris can actually be painful," says Cathy Winks, author of The GoodVibrations Guide to the G-spot. "It's much better to rub the clitoral hood [where the tops of the labia meet] or to rub along the side of the clitoris than it is to go straight for the head of it." When playing with the clitoris during oral sex, Birch's advice is to "focus on the clitoris, then don't focus on the clitoris. The clitoris reacts best to being teased, so you want to lick it and suck on it a little, build a little tension, then back off on it a bit before going at it again."
 

5. Drive her wild with the 'figure 8' technique

The figure-8 tongue technique: When you're at her service down below, work the supersensitive area around her clitoris in a figure-8 pattern. Arouse her with gentle sucking until the little button swells, then carefully expose the area with your fingers. Use the slippery underside of your tongue to circle it to the left and then to the right. With the rougher top side of the tongue, flick from right to left and then up and down. Finally work up to figure 8s, alternating between your tongue's smooth underside and firmer tip. Constantly vary the degrees of pressure you use.

6. Expand your repertoire

Expand your repertoire of oral sex with this method: You lie perpendicular to her body, which allows you to stroke her clitoris with your tongue in a crosswise motion, rather than up and down. She'll appreciate the change in stimulation -- hopefully, enough to return the reward.

7. A body part you shouldn't neglect

Oft overlooked as mere roadblocks to the vagina, the labia are packed with nerve endings and are not to be ignored. Hold each one between your thumb and forefinger and massage it, working your way up and down. Or, using all of your fingers and your palm, "smoosh" the labia together, almost like you're (gently!) kneading dough.

8. Best position for hitting the G-spot

Most experts say that G-spot stimulation works best when you do it by hand, since it allows for more subtle manipulation. But that means less fun for you. To get at her G-spot during intercourse, enter her doggy-style from the rear. "It's the best angle for hitting the G-spot," says Cathy Winks, author of The Good Vibrations Guide to the G-spot. Keep your hands on her hips and pull her towards you each time you thrust forward. Want more tips on how to get her off? Check out these 10Lessons about the Female Orgasm.

9. Get down and give me the sexual push up

There's a reason girls swoon when they see a six pack. They know a man with strong abs is going to be great in the sack. Sexual push-ups are a great way to flex your abs for her: Assume the standard push-up position you'd use if you were working out. Then have your partner slide underneath you. This variation on the man-on-top position works extremely well for guys with flat stomachs, says sex expert Michael Perry, Ph.D. "You should have your arms down along her sides, and thrust with your shoulders as well as your abdominals," he says.

10. Try the 'X' position

Women like a guy with strong arms. Emphasize yours by using the "X" position. Sit facing your partner, legs apart. As you enter her, have her straddle your hips with her legs. Both you and your partner should then reach backward with your arms, placing them about shoulder width apart. Keep your arms straight, and lean back onto them, so that you arch your back and slightly raise your pelvis (together, your bodies will form the shape of an X). Once you're in position, lean back on your arms and rock your pelvis to create a strong, thrusting motion.

11. A trick for lasting longer

If you're worried about getting off too early, try becoming more aware of your pre-orgasmic sensations. Most men only recognize that last, no-turning-back feeling, that occurs just before ejaculation, says David Copeland, of the How to Succeed with Women website. By then it's too late to do anything about it. Try to become familiar with the two or three more subtle sensations that precede that one, so that you can slow down at the right time.

12. Kissing keeps her going

You're close, really close, but you're forgetting what got you here in the first place. "Women get their greatest erotic pleasure from frequent, passionate kissing," says Britton. "If you get the sense that she's starting to lose interest, kissing is always the best way to bring her back into it." Just remember that passionate kissing doesn't always mean frantically swabbing out her tonsils. Try to mix up your tongue play with the occasional closed-mouth kiss on her nose, eyes, and forehead.

13. Another good trick for lasting longer

To her, 14 minutes feels like "been there, done that." Time to be the man of the hour. Rock and roll. Before you get too close to the 14-minute mark, penetrate her as deeply as you can and then stop thrusting. Now press your pelvic bone against hers and start shifting up and down in a kind of rocking motion. "It won't be as stimulating for you, so you'll last longer, and it may be more stimulating for her," says Jed Kaminetsky, M.D., a professor of urology at New York University.

14. Reward her bravery

When she initiates the action, make an extra effort to please her sexually and to let her know how much you approve. Tell her you loved her initiation. Sometimes women wonder if you're going to perceive initiation as negative or if it might make you uncomfortable.